Hamtaro & Oxnard: Matchmakers Extraordinaire
by ketherandsandy4ever
Summary: Surprisingly, not a oneshot! What happens when the hamhams ask Hamtaro & Oxnard to help them out with their lovelife? CHAPTER FOUR UP BUT IS NOW DISCONTINUED!
1. Chapter One: You like WHO?

**A/N: **Surprisingly, not a oneshot! Just a random idea that popped into my head while I was in the shower. I hope you like it! READ & REVIEW! Also, they're hamsters in this story.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hamtaro or Alicia Keys' song. **Hamtaro & Oxnard: Matchmakers Extraordinaire** **by Laura McConnell (A.K.A OhsnapI'll loveDracoMalfoy4ever)**

**Chapter one: You like WHO?**

"Pssst! Hamtaro! Hamtaro! Oxnard! Oxnard!" someone hissed from the bushes.

Hamtaro & his best friend Oxnard were probably the two most freakin' clueless ham-hams of them all.

"Oxy, did you hear something?" Hamtaro asked.

"Yeah. I did Hamtaro. Do you think someone's stalking us?" Oxnard asked.

"I don't know! But that sounds scary!" Hamtaro said.

The person slapped their head & pulled them behind the bush.

"It's ME you idiots!" cried… Kendra!

"Oh, hi Kendra. Who was that person from the behind the bush?" Hamtaro asked.

"It was m-oh never mind!" Kendra said.

"It was 'm-oh never mind'?" Oxnard asked, "The sound scary! Thanx for scaring them away!"

Kendra rolled her eyes. "Whatever! But look: I need you two to help me!"

"Heke?" Oxnard asked.

"There's this guy & I like him." Kendra admitted, blushing like crazy.

"You only like one guy in the ham-ham gang? What about the rest of us?" Hamtaro asked.

"Hamtaro, Oxnard! This is serious stuff! I like Jingle! A whole lot! And I need _you _to ask _him _if he likes me as much as I do!" Kendra said, blushing, "This is SO embarrassing!"

"Heke?" Hamtaro asked, "Oxy, do you feel there is something I'm missing here?"

"Yea Hamtaro." Oxnard said.

"Why didn't you have one of your girl friends do it?" Hamtaro asked.

"They laughed!" Kendra said.

FLASHBACK 

"You like WHO?" Pashmina asked, holding her side she was laughing so hard.

"Jingle." Kendra muttered.

Sandy wiped the tears from her eyes, still laughing, & said, "Kendra, he's the slightly creepy poetic JINGLE!" Then the rest of the girls broke off laughing hysterically & rolling on the ground & Kendra ran off.

End of Flashback 

"Please ask him?" Kendra asked, "He told me some weird poetic thing & sung me a song: 'La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La. You make my heart speed. La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La.'"

"Oh alright." Hamtaro & Oxnard agreed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When they got to the clubhouse Jingle was practicing his new poem, Boss was after Bijou, Stan was flirting with Pashmina who flirted back, Dexter & Howdy were coming up with a way to get even with Stan & advised him to take a different route back to his bedroom, & Sandy was twirling her ribbon.

"Hi everybody!" Hamtaro said.

"Yeah, h-where's my seed?" Oxnard asked, who looked frantically for his seed but couldn't find it, causing him to sit down on the ground & start crying.

"It's O.K, Oxy." Hamtaro said, "We'll help you find it."

"Thanks Hamtaro."

So as the looked around for the seed Hamtaro remembered that he had to ask someone something. "I had to ask someone something because someone wanted me to ask that someone something but I didn't understand that something that that someone wanted me to ask someone." Hamtaro said. (**A/N: **Do you think I could have used the word 'some' anymore? LOL) But as Hamtaro was musing he tripped over Oxnard's seed & fell at Kendra's feet.

"You found it Hamtaro!" Oxnard said, running over to help his friend up.

"Pssst! Hamtaro, Oxnard!" Kendra said.

"It's the same person stalking us Hamtaro." Oxnard said.

"You guys!" Kendra snapped, "Ask him, Ask Jingle!"

"Hmmm," Hamtaro mused to Oxnard, "Weren't we supposed to ask someone something?"

"Yeah we were." Oxnard agreed.

Kendra fell over Animie style. "I'm never going to know if Jingle likes Me." she moaned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kendra was practicing her new song in her room that night. "Baby, baby, baby,  
from the day I saw you,  
I really, really wanted to catch your eye.  
There's something special 'bout you.  
I must really like you,  
'cause not a lot of guys are worth my time.  
Oooo Baby, baby, baby,  
It's gettin' kinda crazy,  
'cause you are takin' over my mind." Little did she know that Jingle was watching her from the doorway.

"And it feels like  
OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...  
But you don't know my name.  
I swear...  
It feels like  
OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...  
You don't know my name.  
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever kno-" but she tripped in the middle & her electric guitar went FLYING out of her hands.

"Ooops." A voice said, picking up her guitar & holding out his paw.

Kendra looked up & saw Jingle. "Oh Thank you." She said, taking his paw.

"That was very good." Jingle said.

Kendra blushed. "Yeah… Jingle." She said.

"That was (INSER WEIRD POETIC THING HERE)" Jingle said, "What song were you singing?"

"_You don't know my name_." Kendra told him, blushing again, "I wrote it."

"It's good." Jingle said, "Keep up the good work Kendra!" then he hugged her, which made her blush & walked off.

Kendra had hearts in her eyes. "He is so good!" she sighed dreamily.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jingle was on his break in-between songs at his concert when Oxnard snapped his 'fingers' (**A/N: **Do hamsters even HAVE fingers?) & said, "I remember now!"

"Remember what?" Jingle asked. (**A/N: **You will see a scene similar to this through out the story!)

"Ummm," Oxnard said, "Just something someone wanted me to ask-"

"You." Hamtaro finished.

"Then ask me!" Jingle said, "What is it Hamtaro?"

"Well… it's Kendra." Oxnard said.

"What?" Jingle asked.

"Shereallyreallylikesyou&forsomewackyreasonme&Hamtaroweretheoneswhoagreedtoaskyouifyoulikeherback! But we're just SO confused so please: I wasn't here, you didn't see me, you didn't hear me!" Oxnard said.

Jingle smiled, a dreamy look appearing on his face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the end of Jingle's concert he said, "I would like to sing this song to a girl that's very special to me." Jingle glanced at Pashmina.

Kendra looked devastated & she wanted to run from the stadium but she became glued to her seat.

"Wise men say, only fools rush in.  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
shall I stay? Would it be a sin?  
I can't help falling in love with you"

Kendra's tears spilled over.

"As the river flows gently to the sea  
Darling so we go, some things were meant to be  
Take my hand take my whole heart too  
'Cause i can't help falling in love with you"

"As the river flows gently to the sea  
Darling so we go, some things were meant to be  
Take my hand take my whole heart too  
'Cause i can't help falling in love with you"

Kendra ran from the stadium, her tears flowing freely.

Jingle noticed her & yelled, "CONCERT'S OVER PEOPLES!" & jumped down from the stage to fallow her. "WAIT! Kendra! WAIT!"

"WHAT Jingle?" Kendra asked, spinning around to face him & lemme tell ya-She was pissed!

"Why are you so upset?" Jingle asked.

Everyone was watching them.

"WHY? WHY? Jingle, that's a good one! Because I had to go through having my friends laugh at me, asking Hamtaro & _Oxnard _for help & you waist your time getting a crush on that goody-goody Pashmina!" Kendra wailed, sitting down on the ground crying.

"I am NOT a goody-goody!" Pashmina protested.

"What?" Jingle said, "I don't like Pashmina!"

"Yes you do!" Kendra said.

"You looked at her when you were saying that it was for a special girl!" Kendra wailed.

"I was just looking at her because she had a smoothie & I wanted to see what flavor." Jingle said.

"But if you don't like her then who…" Kendra trailed off.

"DON'T YOU GET IT?" Jingle roared, "I FRICKIN' **LOVE **YOU!"

Total silence.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Jingle asked.

Kendra stared. "Let's see. You made a fool of me, made me cry on NATIONAL T.V, made me call my friend a good-goody, made my friends laugh at me, made poor Hamtaro & Oxnard almost have a HEARTATTACK, **AND**-"

Jingle winced.

"You are making a spectical of me!" Kendra finished, "So my answer is… OF COURSE I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU IDIOT!"

She leaned up & kissed him, causing Jingle to blush his head off.

Everyone laughed. "Hamtaro, Oxnard," Kendra said, "You guys are the best matchmakers ever!"

Hamtaro & Oxnard looked at each other & shrugged.

**A/N: **Like it, love it, hate it? R&R?

NEXT ON 'HAMTARO & OXNARD: MATCHMAKERS EXTRAORDINAIRE' 

Who is Sandy crushing on? And WHAT does she want Hamtaro & Oxnard to do? Play matchmaker of course! Tune in next time on… HAMTARO & OXNARD: MATCHMAKERS EXTRAORDINAIRE!


	2. Chapter Two: Sandy's in LOVE!

**A/N: **Like, Hey! It's, like, Sandy here! And this chapter is, like, starring me & ! Like, Who am I crushing on? And who do I, like, ask for help? Like, Hamtaro & Oxnard of course! Review please!

**Hamtaro & Oxnard: Matchmakers Extraordinaire by Laura McConnell **

**Chapter Two: **Sandy's in LOVE!

Sandy, who was twirling her ribbon, tripped on one of Cappy's hats & went flying into someone's arms.

And that someone happened to be Kether Harding.

"Oh sorry Kether!" Sandy blushed.

"It's ok." Kether smiled at her, taking a long drag on his cigarette before snubbing it out, causing Sandy to blush, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Now." Sandy smiled & then blushed again.

"That's good." Kether said, letting go of her.

"Thanx." She smiled.

"Cya around Sandy." Kether said, walking off.

Sandy had hearts in her eyes. "He is so totally awesome." She sighed.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"HEY! Mina & Bij." Sandy yelled.

"Ya Sands?" Pashmina asked.

"I, um, like someone." Sandy said, blushing like crazy.

"WHO?" Bijou & Pashmina both demanded.

"I bet eet's Maxwell." Bijou declared.

Pashmina nodded in agreement.

"No. It's Kether…" Sandy said.

"WHAT?" Pashmina asked.

"Good choice Zandy!" Bijou said, "He eez soooo hot!"

"Ya, I agree." Pashmina said.

"So can you guys help me?" Sandy asked hopefully.

Pashmina & Bijou bust out laughing. "HECK NO!" the both said.

"What?" Sandy asked, crestfallen, "Why?"

"Think about it Sands, the guy is nice to you but he walks around smoking his cigarettes in people's faces & flipping his switchblade." Pashmina said, "There is no way he would listen to us!"

Sandy looked sad.

"You could ask Stan to ask him?" Bijou suggested, "Stan eez his best friend."

"FYI Bij, Stan I my BROTHER!" Sandy cried.

"Oh yeah…" Bijou said.

"Well, there's Panda… but he doesn't like Panda. There's Maxwell. COUGHCOUGHCOUGH! We don't even need an answer to that! There's Hamtaro & Oxnard…" Pashmina said.

"THAT'S IT PASH!" Sandy declared, "Hamtaro & Oxnard! Two brains are better the one."

"They don't have two brains. They only have one. You see, each one has half a brain so _together _they have one brain!" Pashmina joked.

"Ha, ha, ha." Sandy said, who didn't feel like joking at the moment.

Hamtaro & Oxnard passed by at that moment & Sandy's ribbon shot out, grabbing Hamtaro by his tail, causing Oxnard to run after him, causing both of them to land at Sandy's feet.

"Ahem." Sandy said, "You two. Do something for me."

"What?" Hamtaro asked.

"Ask Kether if he-_blushed insanely_-likes me." Sandy blushed crazily.

"Not again." Oxnard said.

"Ohhh yeaaaaaaaah!" Sandy laughed, "I 'member Kendra mentioning something about you two as matchmakers. But anyway, go ask Kether!"

"You don't mean Kether Harding do you?" Oxnard & Hamtaro asked who were completely freaked out & scared by him.

"Yeah, why?" Sandy asked.

"He burns holes in people with his cigarettes & rumor has it he attacked a teacher that was pissing him with pruning shears!" Hamtaro waved his arms around crazily.

"So? He's so totally awesome! Ask him, please?" Sandy begged.

Sandy wasn't the type to beg to Hamtaro & Oxnard finally gave in.

As they walked away the noticed Stan & Kether standing around the roller rink with cigarettes in their hands, drinking coke, & listening to their headphones which was playing Green Day's PopRocks&Coke.

"Kether." Hamtaro said quietly.

No answer.

"Kether?" Hamtaro asked a bit louder.

Yet again no answer.

"KETHER!" Hamtaro said.

No answer still

"**KETHER!" **Hamtaro yelled.

Kether finally removed his headphones & took his cigarette from his lips. "You talkin' to me?" he asked.

"Yes." Hamtaro gulped & waited for a response.

"**Well?**" Kether asked, "What the heck do you want?"

"Oh can I, um, talk to you?" Hamtaro asked.

"Talk. I'm write here." Kether said.

"Um, privately?" Hamtaro asked, afraid he'd pull out a pair of pruning shears any minute.

"Whatever." Kether said, rolling his eyes severely & mouthing to Stan 'Be back in a sec.'

Hamtaro took him into a corner & asked, "Um, did you really attack your teacher with pruning shears?"

Kether snorted. "No. I just said to Stan that I WOULD flick my SWITCH BLADE if she kept pissin' me. Is that all?" he turned to go back, but Hamtaro grabbed his sweatshirt & twirled him back around.

"Um, do you like the athletic type?"

"They're ok." Was Kether's response.

"Do you find red-heads attractive?"

"I guess but dude, I am STRAIGHT!" Kether said, since Hamtaro had red hair.

Luckily, Hamtaro didn't catch that & asked his next question. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What the hell kinda questions are these?" Kether demanded, "And NO I don't have a girlfriend!"

"Do you want one?"

"WELL DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"

"Who?"

"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! What do you want to ask me that you're too afraid to really ask me?" Kether asked.

"DO YOU LIKE SANDY?" Hamtaro blurted out, clamping a hand over his mouth soon after.

"DDDDDDUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Of course I like Sandy! I lo-" Kether started to say, "OH SNAP! Why did you even frickin' ask me?"

"She likes you & she wanted us to ask you if you liked her back!" Hamtaro said, running off.

"Ohhh god!" Kether said, "That was about the CRAZIEST conversation I ever had in my life! But in an odd way… it was fulfilling."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Everyone was sitting around outside when Maxwell said, "Who's ready for fireworks?" (It's 4th of July)

Everyone nodded in agreement. Most of the fireworks were great but Kether was missing from the show.

"Where's Kether?" Sandy asked, worriedly.

"Who cars?" Maxwell asked.

"Shut up." Sandy said fiercely.

Just then a firework Maxwell had not planned went up in the sky. It said, **I LOVE YOU SANDY! WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND? LOVE, KETHER **in red. Sandy's favorite color.

"You like?" a voice said from the doorway.

Everyone spun around & saw Kether leaned on the doorframe with his trademark in his hand, a cigarette.

"YEEEEEEEEES!" Sandy shrieked, running over to him & hugging him then kissing him.

After the new couple had sat down Sandy exclaimed, "Thank you Hamtaro & Oxnard! You guys rule!"

"Are we missing something again?" Hamtaro asked Oxnard.

"I we always are." Hamtaro said.

**A/N: **So what did you think? I'm sosososososo sorry for the long update but I hope you liked it!

NEXT ON HAMTARO & OXNARD MATHCMAKERS EXTRODINAIRE… 

We all know that Pashmina has Dexter & Howdy to choose from but when she admits she likes someone else well… all that happens is craziness! Who does she like? What happens? How many OTHER girls like him? Well find out next time on…

HAMTARO & OXNARD MATCHMAKERS EXTRODINAIRE!


	3. An Unlikely Guy For Pashmina

**A/N: **Ok, here's the next chapter!

**Hamtaro & Oxnard: Matchmakers Extraordinaire **_by Laura McConnell _

**Chapter Three: **An Unlikely Guy For Pashmina

"My dearest Pashmina, here are some beautiful flowers, even though they can never measure up to your beauty." Dexter said, handing her flowers.

"Oh quit bugging her with you lame poetry & here you go Pashmina! Sunflower seeds my gorgeous!" Howdy said.

"My present was better!"

"No mine!"

"No mine!"

"NO MINE!"

"NO MINE!"

"I SAID MINE YOU STUPID UM, WELL-MANNERED HAMSTER!"

"WELL AT LEAST I HAVE MANNERS UNLIKE COUGHYOUCOUGH!"

"WELL AT LEAST I WASN'T STARING AT HAMTARO'S A-"

"**SHUT UP!**" Pashmina screamed, "JUST SHUT UP OKAY?"

"Now look what you did!"

"No you did it with your stupid flowers!"

Bijou, who was Stan's current crush, however got a different greeting. "Hey Bijou baby," Stan said, "Here's some chocolate that almost as delicious as you."

So the line was cheesy but she wished Dexter or Howdy would give her some cheesy flirty romance lines & some chocolate.

"No zhanks Stan." Bijou said, "I think I well give it to Pashmina."

Pashmina looked down at the ground & walked over & sat down next to Sandy. "What's wrong Pash?" Sandy asked.

"I, can I talk to you?" Pashmina asked. Why couldn't she tell her friends how she felt about a certain hamster? Why?

"Well duh Mina! You are my best friend!" Sandy said, taking her outside, "What is it?"

"I like someone." She said.

"WHO?" Sandy said, obviously dying to know.

"I like… PANDA!" Pashmina said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pashmina had her arms on either side of the sink in the bathroom & was crying. What had happened? Sandy had told Panda that Pashmina liked him & Panda liked her & now she had a date with him. "It's not fair! The hamster I like is-"

"It better not be Stan!" said four cold voices from the shadows.

"Flora, Cynthia, Courtney, &… Bijou?" Pashmina asked.

"That's right Pashmina. Stan belongs to me!" Bijou said.

"No, he _belongs _to me!" Flora said.

"ME!" That was Courtney.

"ME!" That was Cynthia.

The only word that was heard was 'me' for fifteen minutes & straight & Pashmina had finally had it!

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! STAN ISN'T ANYONES PROPERTY & I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE WITH HIM THEN YOU WITHCHES BECAUSE AT LEAST I DON'T WORRY IF ONE SEQUEN FALLS OF MY PURSE SO JUST **LEAVE ME ALONE!**" Pashmina burst out.

All four girls rushed out. Pashmina collapsed on the floor & started crying.

"Pashy baby, is something wrong?" a voice said.

She looked up & saw it was Stan. "Stan…" she murmured. She got up & ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck & crying into his shoulder.

Stan put his comforting arms around her tightly. "It's okay Pashmina. What's wrong anyway."

"Bijou hates me…" Pashmina whimpered.

"Why?" Stan asked.

Pashmina then realized that she couldn't tell him so she lied, "Because I… um… used her lip gloss!"

Stan rolled his eyes. _Oh man she looks so nice I could just slam her against the wall &- _

"Stan?" Pashmina asked.

"Hm?"

"I lo-Thanks." She said.

"No problem babe, no problem."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was the day for her date with Panda. Pashmina came downstairs wearing a long black skirt & a white tank top. "Hey Pash, you look nice." Panda said, offering her his arm.

"Thanks." Pashmina said quietly.

"Is something wrong?" Panda asked.

"No." Pashmina said.

As they were driving Pashmina began flipping radio stations. _"But you won't get to see the tears I cry, Behind These Hazel E-"_

Flip.

"I thought you liked Kelly Clarkson." Panda commented.

"I do." _"Because Of You I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me because of you-"_

Flip.

"Heartbreaker you got the best of me! But I just keep on coming back in-" 

Flip.

"When I think of our untimely end & everything we could have been I cry. Baby I-" 

Flip.

"Remember when you broke your foot my jumping out the second floor? I'm not Okay. I'm not Okay. I'm not Ok-"

Flip.

"Don't want to be an American Idiot. Don't want a nation controlled by the m-"

Flip.

"I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have known don't know where it goes but it's on-"

Flip.

"Don't Bother-"

Flip.

"Dance the night a-"

"What the-" Pashmina muttered.

"You broke through all of my confusion! How did you know just where I would b-"

Pashmina felt like screaming but instead she just cut off the radio. Each song reminded her of Stan.

"What's wrong?" Panda asked.

"I just… don't feel like listening to the radio now."

"We can listen to a C.D." Panda suggested, sticking in a C.D.

"I want to be the minority, I don't need you're a-"

"**NO!**" Pashmina screamed, ejecting the C.D.

Panda looked at her like she was insane.

"I mean no. What I meant was I don't feel like listening to music now." She lied.

"Oh ok." Panda said, "We're her anyway."

The got out & walked into the restraunt. And guess who the saw? Stan. On a date with… Flora!

"Hey Stan!" Panda said.

"Hey Panda, are you & Pashmina…?"

"Yeah. We're on a date. You & Flora…?"

"Yeah." Stan mumbled, pushing Flora off when she went to wrap her arm around his.

"Hey, the waiter's taking a long time Stanny-Stan," Flora corrected herself when she received a killer glare from Stan, "I think I'll go check."

"I'll come with you! Me & Pashy-Pashmina," Panda corrected himself when he received a killer glare from Pashmina.

The two teens walked off in search of some waiters when Pashmina asked, "So can I sit down?"

"Sure." Stan jumped.

Pashmina sat down. "So, you & Flora?"

"I don't like her & we aren't going together. I'm going out with her so she'll shut up!" Stan explained, "And because the girl I like likes someone else." He muttered.

Pashmina didn't hear the last the last part however. "Oh ok." She said.

"**I didn't mean it when I said**

**I didn't love you so**

**I should have held on tight**

**I never should have let you go**

**I didn't know nothing,**

**I was stupid, I was foolish**

**I was lying to myself**

**I couldn't have fathomed**

**I would ever be without your love**

**Never imagined I'd be sitting**

**Here beside myself**

**Guess I didn't know you**

**Guess I didn't know me**

**But I thought I knew everything**

**I never felt"**

Mariah Carey's music video began playing & Pashmina began to absentmindedly sing along.

"The feeling that I'm feeling

Now that I don't hear your voice

Or have your touch and kiss your lips

Cause I don't have a choice

Oh what I wouldn't give

To have you lying by my side

Right here cause baby"Pashmina sang.

"You have a nice voice. But it's not as good as mine." Stan teased.

"Like you have a good voice," Pashmina rolled her eyes, "When you left I lost a part of me

It's still so hard to believe

Come back baby please 'cause

We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough

Who's gonna talk to me on the phone

Till the sun comes up

Who's gonna take your place

There ain't nobody better

Oh baby baby

We belong together"

"I so do!" Stan said, "I'll prove it to you."

"I can't sleep at night

When you are on my mind

Bobby Womack's on the radio

Singing to me "If You Think You're Lonely Now"

Wait a minute this is too deep

I gotta change the station

So I turn the dial tryin' to catch a break

And then I hear Babyface

"I Only Think Of You" and it's breakin' my heart

I'm tryin' to keep it together but I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element

Throwing things, crying tryin'

To figure out where the hell I went wrong

The pain reflected in this song

Ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside

I need you, need you back in my life baby" Pashmina sang, "Sing." She ordered.

Stan politely waited for Pashmina to finish her song before he stuck a C.D in to sing to.

Some random hamster had a guitar & Stan grabbed it from him. "I'll just barrow this, k?" then he jumped on the table. "Well if you wanted honesty,  
That's all you had to say  
I never want to let you down or have you go,  
It's better off this way!" Stan sang, playing his guitar. He pulled Pashmina onto the table, "For all the dirty looks,  
The photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?" Stan sang.

Pashmina laughed when she realized what song it was.

"I'm not okay,  
I'm not okay,  
I'm not okay,  
You wear me out." Stan sang, jumping to another table, pulling Pashmina with him & they landed in someone's mashed potatoes!

Mash potatoes slammed the person in the face. "Ooops?" Pashmina suggested weakly.

They went to throw their chicken at the young teens but Stan & Pashmina jumped onto the buffet accidentally landing on the ladle for the applesauce & flinging that in someone's face! "what'll it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I've told you time and time again, you sing the words  
But don't know what it means"

The young girl who had received a face full of applesauce burst into tears & her boyfriend stood up, grabbing a banana pie & walking towards Stan & Pashmina dangerously.

"I'm not okay)  
To be a joke and look  
Another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time,  
Take a good hard look!" Stan sang into a microphone that oh so conveniently had been there.

"You are so going to get it… Gerard!" he said.

"Oh really now?" Stan asked, jumping onto the salad bar & stepping on the ranch dressing ladle & ranch dressing hit the guy in the face! ""I'm not okay,  
I'm not okay,  
I'm not okay,  
You wear me out." Stan sang, "And I hate to break it to you, but my name is Stan!"

The girls were going crazy. "Forget about the dirty looks,  
The photographs your boyfriend took,  
You said you'd read me like a book,  
But the pages all are torn and frayed!" Stan sang.

The guy blindly threw the pie & hit… PANDA! Panda spit out banana & said, "AGGGGHHHH!" & threw some coffee at him but it hit Pashmina!

"PAAAAAAAAANDAAAAAAAAAAAA! THAT'S NO WAY TO TREAT YOUR DATE!" Pashmina shrieked, throwing broccoli at him. Then the food fight officially began!

"Man this is fun!" Stan said, "I'm okay...  
I'm okay!(screams)  
I'm okay, now  
(I'm okay, now)  
But you really need to listen to me,  
because I'm telling you the truth  
I mean this.  
I'm okay!

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay,  
I'm not o-fucking-Kay !  
I'm not okay,  
I'm not okay!" Stan finished, "So Pashy?"

"You have a hot voice!" Pashmina said, ducking from an orange cream pie causing it to hit Stan's legs since he jumped up in the air at the moment & started playing his guitar again!

"I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
down with the moral majority  
'cause I want to be the minority" Stan sang, rapidly squirting mustard at who had thrown the pie.

Pashmina went charging at Flora spraying bar-b-q & it was just luck Flora was wearing a WHITE dress!

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" she shrieked, squirting steak sauce at Pashmina.

"I pledge allegiance to the underworld  
one nation under dog  
there of which I stand alone  
a face in the crowd  
unsung, against the mold  
without a doubt.  
singled out  
the only way I know" Stan sang, still firing mustard. Now how can a guy play a guitar, sing, & squirt mustard at the same time? God knows!

The boyfriend was hitting everyone applesauce & Pashmina had stolen Flora's ketchup!

"I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
down with the moral majority  
'cause I want to be the minority" Stan sang, hitting Panda in the face with mustard

"AH! THE MUSTARD! IT BURNS MY EYES!" Panda screamed.

"stepped out of the line  
like a sheep runs from the herd  
marching out of time  
to my own beat now  
the only way I know" Stan sang, shrugging.

Sandy & Kether walked in holding hands at that moment & got hit with Pashmina's ketchup.

"OMG! I'm so sorry!" Pashmina screamed over the noise.

"one light, one mind  
flashing in the dark  
blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts  
"for crying out loud" she screamed unto me  
a free for all  
fuck 'em all  
"you are your own sight"" Stan sang, hitting Kether's hair with the mustard, knowing it would turn him on. Kether's pride & joy was his shoulder length black hair.

"Who did that?" Kether said, through clenched teeth.

"HE DID!" Sandy screamed, pointing at the guy with applesauce.

Kether glared at him with a look that could kill. He picked up a tray of cupcakes & started pummeling the applesauce guy with them.

"I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
down with the moral majority  
'cause I want to be the minority" Stan sang.

"Now Kether Dahling, don't you think your overreacting a little bit too much?" Sandy's fingers showed about a millimeter.

Before he could answer, Stan hit Sandy's pants, which were her favorite. They were black spandex-y material & they had buckles all the way down the side.

"WHO DID THAT?" Sandy demanded.

"HE DID!" Kether yelled, pointing to the applesauce guy.

Sandy started pummeling him with Popsicles along with her boyfriend!

"one light, one mind  
flashing in the dark  
blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts  
"for crying out loud" she screamed unto me  
a free for all  
fuck 'em all  
"you are your own sight"" Stan sang, smiling.

"OH PAAAAAAAAAAAASHMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINA! COME OUT & PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Flora yelled, chasing Pashmina around.

"I want to be the minority  
I don't need your authority  
down with the moral majority  
'cause I want to be the minority  
'cause I want to be the minority  
'cause I want to be the minority  
'cause I want to be the minority  
'cause I want to be the minority" Stan finished.

"WHAT IS GOING **ON **HERE?" The manger screamed.

"Boss," the waiters had all been involved too!

"YOU ARE ALL FIRED! **FIRED **I TELL YOU! AND EVERYONE OUT! **OUT I TELL YOU!**" Everyone went flying the restraunt.

Stan was laying on his back & Pashmina was laying on top of him. They were both laughing hysterically.

Flora was tempted to scream 'GIVE ME MY DATE BACK!' but Panda said, "Give it up. You'll never get an answer."

Flora went into her pouting mode but took his advice & left the two laughing teens.

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Pashmina was sitting in the clubhouse with the rest of the group. "Hey Hamtaro, Oxnard, do me a favor!" she said.

"What is it Pashmina?" Hamtaro asked.

"Um… could you maybe ask Stan if he likes me?" Pashmina asked, blushing the heck out of herself.

"AH! NOT AGAAAAAAAAAIN!" Hamtaro screamed.

"WHAT?" Pashmina asked.

Hamtaro whistled innocently. "Nothing!" he said quickly.

Pashmina gave him a weird look but pursued no farther. "So can you do it?"

"I guess…" Oxnard said reluctantly.

"Great! Go ask him!" Pashmina encouraged.

Oxnard & Hamtaro went over to Stan. "Um, Mr. Stan sir, who do you, um like?" Oxnard asked.

"Look, tell whatever crazed girl it is to get off her butt & ask me herself!" Stan snapped, never ever thinking it was _Pashmina_!

Oxnard gulped & walked back to Pashmina. "Um, Miss Pashmina he said…" Oxnard then burst into tears & ran off.

"What?" she asked.

"He said 'Look, tell whatever crazed girl it is to get off her butt & ask me herself!'" Hamtaro said, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Pashmina said, getting up & walking over to Stan. "Stan?"

"Yeah Pashy?"

"I LIKE YOU!" she screamed in his face, blushing crimson when everyone turned to stare, "There. I told you myself. Happy now?"

Stan looked down & then moved his lips towards her & then…

"PASHMINA!" Sandy screamed, "THIS IS ALL **WRONG! **YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE PANDA!"

Pashmina laughed. "I never did, I just didn't want to tell you the truth!" Pashmina said, then she grabbed Stan's head & said, "Where were we?"

"Right here." He said, grabbing her & kissing her.

"Yet again we've… not helped anyone." Hamtaro said.

"Why us Hamtaro, why?" Oxnard asked.

"If I knew, wouldn't I know how to avoid it?" Hamtaro shouted.

"What?" Oxnard asked.

Hamtaro whistled innocently again. "I didn't say anything."

**A/N: **How did you like it? Review, review!

NEXT ON **Hamtaro & Oxnard: Matchmakers Extraordinaire**…

Panda is heartbroken, of course, now that Pashmina has found love with Stan! So does he find love with? I'm not going to tell you of course! Just read & find out!

Tune in next time on…

HAMTARO & OXNARD: MATCHMAKERS EXTRAORDINAIRE!


	4. I Love You To Death

**A/N: **I am sosososososo eight hours later late update but I was stripped for idea. Also, Ham-Kelly, am I getting her personality right … sorry for the? I am so-you get the point-sorry if I'm not! This chapter was meant to be funny! And the basic plot of this story I got from I Love You To Death.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hamtaro or Angel who belongs to Ham-Kelly. I do own Kether; I don't know whether or not he will be in this story.

**Hamtaro & Oxnard: Matchmakers Extraordinaire**_ by Laura McConnell_

**Chapter Four**: I Love You To Death

Panda was walking along. "She liked Stan all along? I can't believe she liked Stan ALL along!" he yelled.

Angel popped out from behind a tree. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"What do _you _think?" Panda snapped.

Angel looked hurt & took a few steps back. "Sorry…" she said.

"No, I'm sorry." Panda said, "I just… love her."

"You do?" Angel was shocked.

"I, I, I, yes." Panda said, "I love Pashmina. I admit it."

Angel stood there wide-eyed. She loved Panda. This couldn't be happening. "I have to go." She said, and then she ran. "This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this-" she banged right into Hamtaro & Oxnard.

"Hi Hamtaro, hi Oxnard." She said, sitting down.

"Hi," Oxnard said, & then started to walk ahead, "Are you coming Hamtaro?"

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute Oxy." Hamtaro said.

Oxnard walked along the path & Hamtaro sat down next to Angel.

"I want him dead." Angel whispered.

"Who?" Hamtaro asked.

"Panda." Angel said, "If I can't have him, I want him dead."

"Are you asking me to do it?" Hamtaro asked.

"Yes. Please Hamtaro," Angel said, tears coming to her eyes, "I have to have him dead! That's how much I love him."

"How about this, I'll set you up with a guy that can do it for you." Hamtaro said, "Okay?"

"Alright." Angel said, "I hate this."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So… you want to kill that guy?" a stranger coughMikecough asked.

"Yes." Angel said.

"I think I can handle that. It should be easy." Mike said.

"I'm counting on you." Angel said.

"I'll try." Mike said, taking out a knife.

"Good luck!" Angel said.

Mike found that Panda was at the mall with his friends; Panda had just spotted Pashmina & Stan getting it on in a photo booth.

Mike fake kissed his knife for good luck. And waited till Panda was in the right position & threw it.

"HEY PANDA!" Stan yelled at that minute, causing Panda to turn around & Mike's knife to only scratch his ear.

"OW!" Panda said, grabbing his ear.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked.

"My ear." Panda said, pulling back his hand, which had blood on it. He shrugged. "I guess I scratched it or somethin'."

Mike cursed under his breath & fled.

"Is he dead?" Angel asked.

"No. He only has a scratch on his ear. But not to worry." Mike said reassuringly, "I'll try again tonight."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night Panda was muttering insults about Stan as he walked home. Mike loaded his gun & crept around the corner. "Say your prayers Panda." Mike said, raising the gun.

He shot. Just as Panda bent down to tie his shoe. Mike cursed again. "What the heck was that?" Panda asked, then he took off running.

Mike groaned. "This stuuuuupiiiiiiid idiot!"

_The next morning…_

Mike pulled out his poison. "This will work." He slipped it into Panda's orange juice.

Panda sat down when… "Hey Panda, can I have that? I really would like a cup of orange juice!" Pashmina asked sweetly.

"Yeah, sure Pashmina." Panda mumbled. Pashmina was sitting on Stan's lap, rubbing his leg.

"Thanks Panda!" Pashmina said, before winding her arms around Stan's neck & biting his lip affectionately.

"CAN YOU TWO STOP IT?" Panda yelled, "Really! This is a public place & there are _people _here!"

Pashmina glared at him & went to take a sip of her orange juice when…

"NO!" Mike yelled, taking a flying leap & knocking the orange juice out of her hands.

"What the hell?" Pashmina asked, "You just screwed up my glass of orange juice!"

"I, uh, it was expired & it could have given you food poisoning!" Mike lied.

"Oh thanks!" Pashmina said, and then proceeded to ignore Panda & kiss Stan's neck.

Apparently Panda had had enough, for he threw his chair over & stormed out.

"What's his problem?" Pashmina asked out loud, before kissing Stan hard on the lips.

"I guess this is my queue to leave." Mike said, rushing out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Angel," Mike said, "If you don't mind me asking, you are really nice so why do you want to kill him?"

"I love him _so _**much **that if I can't have him, I'd rather have him dead!" Angel said.

"Okay, I'll try something else." Mike said, "But this guy just _won't _die!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mike got out a plastic bag. "This will work hands down." He said.

Panda was sitting in a chair when Mike came up behind him & pulled the bag over his head & pulling it.

Panda was gasping for breath when Mike heard someone start to open the door. He cursed under his breath grabbed the sack & ran.

Angel walked in. "Hi Panda," she said, "Are you okay?"

"NO!" Panda said, "Someone thought it would be funny if they tried to suffocate me!"

Angel then realized she'd screwed up Mike's plans. "I have to go." she said, running out.

"ANGEL!" Mike yelled, "Why'd you go & screw up the plans?"

"Sorry. I didn't know." Angel said weakly.

Mike put his head in his hands. "This guy just won't die!" he hissed.

"You want me dead?" Panda asked, who had heard everything.

"I…." Angel said.

"Angel! How could you? I thought we were friends!" Panda asked.

"Because-" Angel started to say.

Mike pulled out his gun & prepared to shoot him.

Angel pushed the gun down. "Wait, Mike! I want to finish what I was saying!" she said.

"So why?" Panda asked.

"Because I LOVE you!" Angel yelled, "And because it KILLED me that you loved Pashmina instead of me!"

"W-what?" Panda asked, "I… I… I love you!" he grabbed her & kissed her.

"People just get weirder." Hamtaro, Oxnard, & Mike all said at the same time & then went back to doing whatever they were doing.

**A/N: **I know, I know, I know. That was an AWFUL chapter! But I'm gonna discontinue this story since I'm really getting no where with it. SO sorry Ham-Kelly! I'll do anything to make it up to you!


End file.
